Relating to fellas

Rules for understanding and communicating with men:

1. Most good men are insecure and lack confidence

• This is not your fault — it’s society’s fault — but it IS your ‘problem’ if you want a successful relationship with a good guy who isn’t a raging narcissist. Learn how to inspire confidence in the man that you favor. This takes time, and is as serious of a responsibility as the man’s responsibility to make you feel cherished and loved. The easiest way to accomplish this is through demonstrations of physical (not emotional) vulnerability and submission. If you think that’s disgusting, so be it. The truth is that no single man is naturally as self-assured and confident as you want him to be unless he is a narcissist. DON’T LOOK FOR ‘confident’ GUYS! Look for ‘Good’ guys, and INSPIRE CONFIDENCE in them. Women who fuck this one up end up in abusive relationships.

1. The Intimacy Boomerang

In the same way that women go through a monthly cycle of self-esteem and confidence associated with their menses, men go through solar AND lunar hormonal cycles that affect sexual drive, self-confidence, intimacy, and have a profound effect on relationships. MEN GET PMS. When a man becomes withdrawn, distant, distracted, and seemingly uninterested in you — that means he’s PMSing. Replace physical proximity, conversation, and nagging with concrete, material displays of respect and affection. (Make him a sandwich, grab him a beer; don’t use words). Your man will appreciate this immensely — it may take him a few days, or even a week, to come back down and let you know how much it meant to him, but trust me, he will.

While we’re on the topic…

1. “Men like to be alone, but we don’t like to be by ourselves.”

The great Patrice O’Neal may not have been the most respectful and enlightened feminist in the world, but he understood sex relations, and no statement of his demonstrates this quite so well as the above. Men like silent companionship. They like to be able to share moments in silence. Every man dreams of that special connection with a woman where you can communicate whole worlds without words. If you can learn how to be in the same room as a man for three hours, conscious of his mood and movements, and responsive to them, but without the need for verbal communication, you will keep your man forever. Yes, I know, women need to talk. You’ll get to! It’s a cycle, remember?

1. Don’t try to be “one of the boys”

This is self-explanatory. Girls who are just one of the boys are either sexually off-limits, or disrespected cum-dumpsters. Get your own friends. If you already have friends, don’t lose them when you hook up with someone. If your man ever tries to cut you off from your friends: Fucking run for the hills.

1. Don’t make the perfect the enemy of the good.

Whether or not you regard yourself as a capable and independent woman, recognize that any man serious about having a relationship will regard himself as in some sense materially and emotionally responsible for your happiness and well-being. When you are unhappy, he will instinctively blame himself, and this will put him on-edge. If you’re unhappy, and just need to vent, let him know, and most guys know enough to shut their mouths, listen, and be supportive. If you’re unhappy because of something HE is doing: Make that clear. Don’t turn your man into your emotional dumping ground though. Don’t load him up with your problems. That’s what your friends are for. – LordDwia